? (Lyrics)

You say I bring out the best in you
Why won't you give it to me?
Don't you want to?

You tell me that you love me
You know I love you too
How hard can it be?

I can feel the winds of change
Blowing through my mind
And I find
There's something lingering

How long will you make me wait for you?
How strong do I have to be to pull through?

You say that we're meant to be
Just not right now
Just not right here

And I tell you, tell you, I'm not going anywhere
What do I have to do?
How much should I care?

I can feel the breezes
Kiss my cheek
And I think
There's gotta be more to this.

How long will you make me wait for you?
How strong do I have to be to pull through?

What do I have to say? Who should I listen to?
Don't wanna count the days. When will I be with you?

Honestly I'm willing to give you anything.
Please tell me how much to this table you can bring.
We could be so happy from now on
If you'd just hear this song.

How long will you make me wait for you?
How strong do I have to be to pull through?

Vegan Breakfast Muffins

Following up my vegan cupcakes is the breakfast muffin.

BEHOLD! It is a mixed berry/nut muffin containing no eggs or milk, using wholemeal flour and cane sugar.

Yum yum yum yum yum.

The Weekend

Having a great weekend in bed with V. Despite being broken up, things are still the same between us, and it's awesome to get back to basics.

Lots of laughter, plenty of sexy times, and Breaking Bad season two = happy me.

As to the friends I've seemingly lost, who are playing on my mind and infiltrating my dreams, Fuck You. Your loss.

TWITTER (Lyrics)

There are some things in life I'll never have
Like getting all of that wasted time back
Like having my favourite rockstar fall in love with me
But as for having you, well, we'll see.

There's six whole years I wasted on a husband
I coulda spent those years playing in a rock band.
Like all the parts of me I had that now are long gone
They pulled those teeth, but they didn't take my wisdom.

Regret is something I don't cling to
Respect is something I aspire to
Kismet is something I look forward to
Kisses are all I want from you.

So, what about the fantasy of living?
I know that I'll get back what I've been giving.
Like unabashed, unashamed, unconditional love

Oh, the fast cars all pass me by
And all those private planes, they fly so high
All the lavish treats, expensive feasts and penthouse suites
They're too much for me
But you're enough for me
This might be tough for me
A bit too much to tweet...

There are some things in life I'll never have
Like not having to wait for you to come back.

Making an Ass Out of You and Me

I'm getting a little tired of assumptions being made about me.
As a people lover, a "people person", it really shits me when people assume my intentions, or put their own spin on them, in a negative way.

Maybe I should just put this out there, into the ether, into the vast complexity of the world wide web:
I only ever have the best of intentions, and I do my utmost to never hurt my friends and loved ones, usually at the cost of my own happiness and well-being.

Ok, so I had a conversation with Steve about intentions today, and I happened to say, (I believe I'm quoting myself here,)
"I don't believe in intentions." *

Yes, intentions don't really matter when what you're saying or doing is ALWAYS being perceived - constantly being run through a mind that is very different from your own, and importance or emphasis is being placed accordingly by that person's brain, not yours. So whatever you're intending, it won't always be perceived the way you want it to.

But the rest of it stands. I am forever concerned about not hurting anyone, and assuming that I am an immoral or hurtful person is one of the most painful things I could go through.
When you try your best to show people your heart, and they assume you're trying to dupe them, how can you not take that personally? How can you,in turn, not be hurt?

I don't know how to stop taking this shit personally.

*Incidentally, I got some very strange looks in the shops yesterday when I told Lily "I don't believe in bread."

Going Vegan

This is a decision I made over a year ago, but I was thwarted by my addiction to milk, particularly iced mocha.
I am now taking control of said addiction.
A vegan lifestyle has always appealed to me, even as far back as high school. I've just always had trouble working out what I would eat. So I've taken the plunge anyway, into the deep end, and I figure, I can always find an apple or a carrot if I'm starving!
Hell, even McDonald's sells apples, and they're open 24/7!
SCORE!!!
So here's to my new lifestyle choice, and to so-good chocolate, which is getting me through the mocha cravings!

CUPCAKES

Here is a picture of the vegan cupcakes I made from scratch today.
You can definitely see how bleaching flour and sugar makes cakes prettier, but these ones are pretty yummy, and healthy too!

80's Prom Night Attacked By Zombies Party

Of course, blood is always the final touch, even if it did take almost a week to wash off my hands. (Damn this spot.)

And a photo with your make-up artist ends the process well, too, although 9 times out of 10 you will look better than she, even when you're dressed as the undead.

80's Prom Night Attacked By Zombies Party

The Final Result: Mel

80's Prom Night Attacked By Zombies Party

The Final Result: Heidi

80's Prom Night Attacked By Zombies Party

Mel's make-up.

80's Prom Night Attacked By Zombies Party

Heidi's make-up.

80's Prom Night Attacked By Zombies Party

The proshetics

Liquid latex and paper napkins. Ahh the joys of fx make-up.

Loneliness

It's been a while since my last blog. A fair amount has happened. I spent four days without small child while her dad was back in town. Normally I'd soak up that time with V, but with that no longer an option, I spent a good deal of time watching Will and Grace seasons 1 through 6. I did have one day of catching up with friends, which was lovely. Mostly through, I was just plain lonely.

My two girls next door have broken up, with Heidi going back to NSW tonight. It's very sad, not only because I'm losing a buddy to hang with, but for the two of them and what they're going through. Small child and I will miss her terribly.

I've been listening to Alice In Chains a lot. Reminds me of V, especially Nutshell, which played the first time we were together. He and I got together under the worst of circumstances, and yet we were somehow able to make something beautiful. I cry when I hear the song, but it's a good cry. Not so much sad as... reminiscent...

We did end up spending some quality time together last night, and he came for dinner tonight. My hope is strong, and after talking to his best friend Shaun, I know that my trust is not being wasted. He talked of looking for a new job, and my fingers and toes are crossed for him. I hope he can find something he can get excited about. Secretly I'm hoping for a job with better hours! 4am to 12.30pm seems too much to ask. Pastrychef or not.

My sleeping and eating patterns are returning to normal. Now I've got to focus on my weight.